This morning I asked my son Liam whether I could share a certain story about his life and my interaction with him on this podcast.

He said no.

I said okay.

And he said no, really don’t.

And I said okay, I won’t.

You said Nazi so I won’t include it.

And he said okay, I’m gonna, I’m gonna watch today’s episode to make sure.

And I said well you should probably just listen because there is no video component.

And he said ha ha.

I said but please feel free to listen and you will see or hear that I’m a man of my word.

So Liam if you are listening, hi, how are you?

And no, I’m not going to tell the story that you asked me not to tell.

Listeners, you’re missing out.

I do have other follow up though after the theme song.

Your Daily Lex.

So my buddy Andy was listening, binging, catching up on some old episodes of Your Daily Lex.

And he heard one from a couple weeks ago where I was talking about while I was in Vegas looking for people to book me for meals since I was responsible for all my own expenses now versus when I had a job where they paid.

Andy pointed out that I had gotten a ride from him to the airport and had shared an Uber with him to our hotel so that multiple aspects of my travel for that work trip could be on his employer, Amazon’s, dime instead of my own.

So I’m now acknowledging it even though Andy said I didn’t have to.

He didn’t prohibit me the way Liam prohibited me from talking about the Liam thing.

So even though Andy said no, no need, don’t go back and correct the record on Your Daily Lex.

I’m doing exactly that because I guess when it comes to Andy, I’m a bad listener.

Sorry Andy.

Meanwhile, we’re a minute 40 in or so and I still haven’t gotten to the primary topic of today’s show which is my eyeballs.

Listener discretion is advised.

So just a few nights ago I was taking my contacts out.

Take the right contact out and take the right contact out as I’ve done many, many times before.

No problem.

Go to take the left contact out and then I pull away an empty hand.

By which I mean I went to take the contact out but then the contact wasn’t in my hand.

I’m like that’s weird.

It should be out.

And then suddenly I was in some pretty severe agony in my left eyeball.

And I’m like okay, let me see if I can move this contact back in position to get it out.

I’m zero panic or anxiety.

I’m a pretty solid expert at contact lenses at this point.

So it’s frustrating and uncomfortable.

But I feel I’ve moved things back into position so I go to get the contact out again and now I realize I’ve just touched my eyeball which I hate.

That grosses me out.

If you’re a person who gets squeamish about eyeball stuff, which I think most of us are, that’s probably the first time where you’re like because that was a moment.

I don’t know how to write that.

Otherwise it would be the title.

But so I was like hey, that’s my eyeball.

That’s not right.

So I try and move around again and still can’t get there.

Lauren is not in the room at the time but I send her a text pretty calmly saying hey, when you have a minute, I’m going to need some help with a contact lens issue.

And Lauren’s immediate response is I’m not touching your eye.

I’m not going to get a contact out for you.

Lauren comes up and I’m like I have this issue and I described the problem to her and she’s like are you sure it didn’t fall out?

I’m like I’m sure.

I can feel tremendous pain in my eyeball.

It’s there.

But I can’t see the contact and I need your help to spot the contact so I can figure out where it is so I can get it out.

So she’s looking at my eye.

She’s not seeing it and eventually she’s like you know, I’m pretty sure it must have fallen out.

I’m like it’s not, it’s there.

And she’s like well where do you think it is?

And I’m gesturing and she wasn’t seeing it that rudely but she’s curious.

Like where do you think it is?

So I’m moving my eye around and I’m poking and she says like oh, I see.

And although she was attempting to have a calm and chill veneer, I could tell that she was not calm or chill.

And so I was like I don’t need to know any details but yeah, I mean do your best.

I see that you, I’m aware that you have seen it now because she said you know I spotted it.

But even though she said nothing panicky, I just knew that she was a little panicky.

And so I’m like listen, if you can’t get it out, I’m going to have to go to the ER because someone’s got to get it out.

And so she’s looking and I find out later from Lauren that she was worried that I was going to have to go to the ER and she was curious if they could remove part of my eyeball, like pop it out of the socket a bit to get to where the contact was.

Because it was apparently like going pretty far towards the back of my eye.

And she sees it and so she’s like you got to try to move it down for me.

So I’m doing all these maneuvers, manipulations, trying to move the contact lens down, get it into a better position.

I finally do so.

She’s like okay I see, I think I can get it.

So she washes her hands, very kind, and goes in and gets the contact and like instant relief.

And then she looks and she goes this is only half the contact.

And then of course I notice that oh yeah there’s still a lot of, it was better, it was not as bad because now there’s only one piece of bad contact left in my eyeball.

And it was even further up apparently.

And she’s like I can’t find it and then I show her that one is, you know, just move my eye around.

I can’t see it at all because you know it’s behind the part of my eye that can see.

And I work to move that one into position and then she pulls that out too.

And man, the relief was instantaneous.

And then Lauren, to her credit, checked to see if the two pieces of contact removed from my eyeball fit together to make sure that there was no other pieces left in my eye.

And she’s like nope, these fit together perfectly, everything’s out.

And then it was fine.

And of course I got back on the contact course the next day.

I got a travel contact course and put my contacts back in again the next day.

Not the same pair, it’s daily disposables.

But yeah, I did not miss a beat.

Just went right back on.

I have no idea why it ripped, I have no idea what went wrong when I was trying to remove that contact, but it’s fine.

This is a story that I’ve told to a couple people in person and they all say it’s swearing them off contacts.

But you know, it’s fine.

It was fine.

The thing is it all came out and it was all fine.

And my eyeball didn’t have to get popped out.

So that was all very lucky.

Anyway, enjoy what’s left of your day.