Buckle up, everybody, because this episode of Your Daily Lex makes a direct and explicit reference to my bits and pieces.

It’s exactly what you’re thinking.

Your Daily Lex.

All right, let’s get some nomenclature out of the way to start.

We’re going to have Mulder, Scully, and the Fox Network, all right?

That’s Mulder on the left, Scully on the right, and then the Fox Network down the middle.

A week ago or so in the shower, something to me seemed to miss while washing Scully, the right side.

I made note that, hey, it feels slightly different from usual.

I attempted to make an appointment with my urologist.

I have a urologist, who I last saw something like eight or nine years ago, when I dealt with kidney stones, the worst pain of my entire life, and a horrible experience.

The short version of the kidney stone story is, I had a lifelong fear of kidney stones, courtesy of my dad, because I remembered a story he had told about peeing blood.

That was a lifelong fear for me.

One day I woke up.

I think Ani was sleeping in our bed with us.

I mean, Ani would have been a baby, baby.

It could have been Sierra.

It might have been Sierra, but a baby sleeping in my bed.

I wake up way too early in excruciating pain, and start to fear, oh my God, I think maybe I have a kidney stone, and this is what that feels like.

I’m trying not to wake Lauren up, and then I do wake Lauren up.

Lauren’s mom comes over to watch the kids.

Lauren takes me to the hospital.

I get mad because Lauren won’t run a red light at like six in the morning when there’s no traffic around.

They’re like, what’s your pain on a scale of one to 10, and I’m like, oh, it’s a three.

Then they were like, no, it’s not.

They deal with the kidney stones.

They send me to a urologist, this guy.

He’s like, you have some more, so we’re going to do radio blasting, radio wave blasting to break them up, and we do that.

He says to me ahead of time, by the way, that procedure doesn’t hurt, and then when I’m going in for the actual procedure, I mention to the nurse as they’re anesthetizing me, and Dr.

Kirshenbaum said that this doesn’t really hurt when I wake up, and she’s like, oh yeah, it does, and that was the last thing I heard before I fell asleep from the anesthesia.

It did hurt afterwards.

Then a couple of weeks later, I was like, oh my God, it’s happening again, and indeed I was.

The blasting apparently hadn’t broken everything up, but I still apparently like this urologist because he’s the one I chose to see, so anyway, I go in to see him.

It took a few days because he had been traveling, whatever, so today I go in for the exam.

The short version, by the way, is I was fine.

His assumption is at some point I hurt myself in some way and just took slightly longer to recover than usual because I had a pain, and whatever bump I felt, I could no longer feel today.

Today was the first day I could no longer feel whatever I had been feeling, and of course I was studying the doctor’s appointment, and he couldn’t feel it, and he used his ultrasound machine, and there’s nothing there.

He’s like, I’m fine, but so I’ve got Mulder and Scully and the Fox Network, and he’s like, hey, Lex, I need you to hold the Fox Network.

Well, that’s funny to me.

He’s like, I need you to hold the Fox Network basically out of the way while I examine Mulder and Scully with the ultrasound thing.

Great, no problem.

All right, this is the first episode of Your Daily Lex that ever had beta listeners, and a beta listener, hi Marco, recommended I omit the exact level of detail I provided here, but suffice it to say that, this is later Lex interrupting previous Lex, the doctor’s like, oh, here’s an interesting facet of Mulder that has never affected you in any way and is unrelated to why you’re here because you don’t have pain on Mulder, you have pain in Scully, but he shared an interesting fact about Mulder that means nothing and affects nothing but was news to me, I guess, and I’m omitting the details of said fact from you because Marco suggested I do so.

It’s like, great, and then he finishes, I’m able to release the Fox Network and to get dressed again, and yeah, just to make sure I’m really painting the picture as vividly as possible, I’m lying down on his exam table in the most awkward way possible, like I’m still dressed except my pants are around my ankles, I had been wearing a face mask and I was like, I cannot wear a face mask while I’m in this particular state of dress or undress, so I remove my face mask and my pants are around my ankles, I’m holding the Fox Network out of the way so he can examine Mulder and Scully, and he’s all done, and he’s like, okay, you can get dressed again, which I do, and then he’s like, yep, so you’re good, thanks so much, good to see you again, and then he goes to shake my hand.

Now, if you’ve been paying close attention at no point in the narrative did he give me an opportunity to say, wash my hands, and he’s removed his gloves at this point, and so now I’m left thinking, how many other Fox Networks am I touching when I shake his hand right now, what a weird thing, what a weird thing, I mean, he knew he had just had me do it, and then he was like, let’s shake hands, I will never forget that handshake, so weird, so weird, anyway, I’m fine as it turns out, still some actual pain there, but he was zero concerned about it, so I will choose not to be as well, and boy, your daily Lex really gets into everything, doesn’t it, including my pants, Lex.