What would it take for me to convince you that I’m not Elijah?
Would it be enough for me to say to you?
Hey, I’m not Elijah If so, I really appreciate that because that’s not always my experience Your Daily Lex We keep getting bills in the mail for somebody at my address here in New Jersey named Elijah last name redacted Elijah redacted would be a cool name.
Actually, we’ll call him Elijah redacted.
Keep getting bills in the mail for Elijah redacted For an urgent care visit that Elijah redacted had In what I presume is Elijah’s home state of Delaware.
I Can’t swear that that’s where Elijah lives, but that’s that’s my guess and I’ve been taking them and throwing them away because as you may know, I’m not Elijah but I keep getting these bills and it’s it’s been annoying me and So eventually I was like, you know, maybe maybe I should do something so I Open one of them up and I mean I’ve opened all of them to make sure that they’re not for me, but Open it up and I look and I call the number today and I say hey, I am Not Elijah but I keep getting bills for Elijah redacted.
What’s the deal and They say well, are you Elijah and I say no and they say but really they really weren’t Ready to be convinced that I wasn’t Elijah Then it gets interesting and I’m curious how you would handle it.
I’m curious how I handled it because you’re like, well, what’s your name?
And My initial instinct is it’s none of your goddamn business My name is because I’m not your patient.
I’m not the person you should be billing I have nothing to do with this other than being a address recipient of this bill that has like I said nothing to do with me And they’re like and confirming Elijah’s not a member of your your family.
I’m like, no I told you I’ve never heard of this person and so they want to know my name and I’m like, I’m not sure I’m not sure I’m comfortable.
They’re like, well, no, no, it’s not we’re not we just you know, it’s just for our records I’m a little free records.
I’m not Elijah and they really wanted more.
So Eventually, I said my name is Lex LEX and I heard them I believe have the thought of I want to ask for Lex’s last name But this guy’s clearly going with me.
So I’m not going to ask then they say can you confirm your address and I say well Why don’t you tell me what address you are sending these bills to because I had given them the you know The number on the bill and like well like for security purposes, I can’t do that.
I said well then for security purposes I can’t do that And we really again reach this impasse and I’m annoyed at every second of this phone call, right?
Because I shouldn’t have to do this in the first place This is I’m taking time to deal something that has nothing to do with me.
I threw no fault of my own I’m dealing with a problem and they’re like, well no again for security purposes.
We can’t reveal this person’s address I’m like, well, the good news is it’s my address And the bad news for you is I’m not gonna confirm it but I can tell you I have the bill here I can start reading off to you.
What procedures that he had and you know, I’m sure that’s a HIPAA violation and Do like well, can you agree that it starts with this number and I said, you know what I will spot you that yes it does spot with that number if you want to tell me the street address you have I’ll match that too and The person goes well does the street and the town start with the same letter I said, I’ll even tell you that it’s an M and is it okay?
And then they say can I put you on a brief hold and I’m like, I guess at this point they’ve lost all patient I’m still I promise I’m still being polite.
Like even when I’m saying I’m not sure like I’m never being rude I’m not raising my voice.
I’m being polite, but I’m also clearly annoyed.
I am politely annoyed And eventually they come back and say yeah, did you ever go to this urgent care?
No, like no, I’ve never gone to your urgent care office in Delaware Well, we can see Elijah’s address and it’s not your address Elijah lives here in Delaware And I said, well that doesn’t surprise me And I see it.
We don’t know why your dress is on there, but you shouldn’t get any more of those bills And I said, okay, that’s good because I’m never calling And then I said it with a laugh and then the person is there anything else I Is there anything else I can help you with today was the funniest Possible thing that that woman could say to me at that point in the phone call I really I did have one second of being like well I’ve been having this nagging pain, but I did not do I did I thought about saying yeah I also need to see one of your doctors, but I let it go No, there’s nothing else you can help me with Thank you for virtually nothing Lex