I got too angry this weekend, too frustrated.
I was aware in the moment I am too angry, I am too upset, I am too even sad, frustrated, whatever.
But I couldn’t stop being it for a while, despite knowing that my emotional response was unreasonable and the wrong one to have.
You can debate whether anyone’s emotional response to anything can be unreasonable, but it was, undeniably.
I was not okay.
And what was I upset about?
I was upset about practicing and practicing and practicing and failing at choreography for a certain number in Elf.
Your Daily Lex.
Listen, I’m never going to be the strongest dancer and I’m okay with that.
I’m never going to be the best dancer on the stage.
Unless it’s a stage of like infants, which is a show I wouldn’t recommend doing, The Infant Show.
But, you know, I can learn the choreography with time is always my thought process.
I can learn Broadway theater style choreography, but man, there was some stuff I had to learn for the tail end of a number.
At some points in the number, I’m pretty prominent, right?
Sometimes I’m dancing by myself and those parts of the dancing I can either master or will master.
Well, I guess that’s the same.
Even if I haven’t mastered them yet, I’m confident that I will by opening night be, you know, beyond passable.
Genuinely good at those moves.
Looking forward to it.
Uh, on the flip at the end of this number, there’s some really intense dancing.
When they first showed it, I laughed out loud because I was like, oh, so like real, real, real dancing.
Um, you know, like body rolls and whatever else I was like, I, boy, this is going to take some time.
And, uh, you know, I figured initially, well, I’ll practice it.
I’ll break it down to its component parts and I’ll get there.
Uh, that did not happen.
Which I mean, uh, they broke it down into its component parts for me.
Uh, Lauren worked on it with me.
Um, and then I had various videos and I was working on it at home and boy, I’m not, I’m not getting it.
So Saturday, uh, I spent, uh, I even had Sierra, uh, help out a little bit cause she’s a real dance expert, but I spent a long time working on this dance, uh, first with various family members and then solo.
And I was getting absolutely nowhere and I, well, other than angry town, I was getting there pretty fast.
Uh, not angry at the people trying to help me, just angry at myself that I like really couldn’t do.
I was really getting frustrated and sad and upset.
Uh, and eventually I’m like, I don’t want to be around these people who are trying to show me how to do this anymore.
I want to go, uh, to the basement away from everybody and really work on it.
And I was slowing it down.
I was, I had the video, uh, and I mirrored it so that, you know, I flipped the video so that I could mirror what the folks were doing.
And eventually I was like, you know what?
I’m going to focus on the, the upper body movements, the leg movements can be hidden more easily.
The footwork can be hidden more easily, but I got to get the hands and I was even struggling somewhat with the hands.
I’ve since gotten better, but I was, I was frustrating, frustrated with the hands, uh, trying to get my bodies and my arms and hands to move in all the right ways.
And then I got like so frustrated because I was looking and watching this video and I realized I can’t see me in the video.
I’m in the video, but the entire back row is hidden.
I don’t think that’s a directorial accident by the way, or choreographical accident.
I think it was a very intentional move on their part.
If I’m completely hidden from view, there’s no balcony at this theater, it’s a 500 seat theater.
It’s all, it’s all in the orchestra level.
Uh, but if I can’t even be seen, why am I stressing this dance?
Nobody’s going to know.
Um, so, uh, then I was frustrated about the hours I had spent working on it that were maybe useless.
Now I still want to get the dance down.
Will I get the dance down?
Eh, that’s a different story.
Uh, will I be pleased with my final result in the show?
Boy, I hope so.
Uh, I’m pleased with how I’m working on the character.
I’m pleased with how I’m working on the songs.
Uh, I’m getting better and better at my scene work, but man, that this is one moment in the whole, the hilarious thing is it’s a, it’s very, believe me, a dancer, a true dancer would look at me like, oh, that’s a real dance.
Uh, but the whole thing is like nine seconds and I’m like, you know what?
There is, uh, some kind of diminishing return or bad ratio, bad risk reward ratio, pain reward ratio.
Something didn’t make sense for me to keep working on those eight to 10 seconds of dancing.
Just, just dumb.
Uh, I also got really good theater news today.
Um, it’s not announced publicly yet.
Uh, but, uh, I think the theater community in New Jersey doesn’t listen to my podcast.
And, uh, I think, I think it’s safe to say that, uh, you know, last week I had auditioned for Misery and, uh, you know, I mentioned I was going back and forth between being like a Christmas jolly person and then being a person who’s getting his, uh, ankles mangled.
Uh, ankles mangled.
It’s fun to say.
You should say it out loud.
Pause right now.
Say ankles mangled.
You can just say it with me.
And then they said, Hey, it’s, you know, uh, you’re auditioning and you’re at the callbacks and we’re gonna let you know in a day and a half, maybe two days.
And those days went by and heard nothing.
And then today I got an email that was like, Hey, we’d like you to, uh, be Paul, the James Caan character again in Misery.
Uh, so that’s my next thing.
I won’t have to learn any freaking choreography or songs.
I’ll just have to memorize an insane amount of lines.
Uh, so I’m looking forward to, um, getting attacked viciously by my biggest fan.
Uh, fictionally, I don’t want any of you giant, your daily Lex fans to come after me.
My feet belong right where they are.