I was nervous for Liam in today’s Spelling Bee.

Not really nervous because I cared about if he spelled his words right or not.

It really doesn’t matter to me.

Listen, I love my kid, and I think he’s brilliant, but I know he’s not going to be a finalist in the National Spelling Bee or anything.

So I was just nervous.

I wanted him to do his best.

I wanted him to not be nervous himself, so I was nervous for his own nervousness.

And, you know, I’ve had a kid spell a word wrong because they didn’t hear the word right.

And all you have to do is ask for the definition or use it in a sentence and make sure you have the right word.

And so I just want my kids to be patient when they do stuff like the Spelling Bee so that if they get something wrong, it’s because they don’t know how to spell it.

So I’m nervous.

And, you know, it’s round one, so kids are getting words like cat and horse.

Those aren’t really the words, but there are some words that are as easy as it.

And then finally, after several kids have gone, finally the first kid gets out.

So you’re like, OK, at least my kid won’t be the first one out.

Why that matters, I don’t know, but it mattered.

And I’m nervous for Liam for another reason as well.

You know, as you know, he was diagnosed not that long ago with Crohn’s disease.

And every two weeks I gave him an injection of this medication.

And then that medication tends to knock him the hell out where he can barely function.

And sometimes that happens the next day.

Sometimes it happens two days later.

Sometimes it happens a couple days later.

Sometimes it happens twice, like two days later and again four days later.

So it’s kind of unpredictable, except that we know for sure there’ll be a time when he gets wiped out.

And I gave him his shot yesterday, Thursday.

So now it’s Friday and now it’s the Spelling Bee.

And Lauren had woken up with the kids this morning because we take turns.

And she said, yeah, he was pretty sleepy this morning, like falling asleep mid-bite.

So Lauren was worried that he was maybe going to fall asleep on stage.

She said, there’s a 50% chance.

And I said, well, now I’m worried about that too.

Wonderful.

So I get to the Spelling Bee and I see him up there.

And he does look a little bit sleepy, but he sees me and smiles.

And he’s still cool enough that he can wave when he sees me.

And I’m giving him the, you know, the don’t be nervous signal.

Take some nice relaxing breath signal.

And eventually he’s like rolling his eyes at me, like I don’t need to take any deep cleansing breaths, dad.

Like I’m fine.

And he comes up to the microphone.

I snap the photo with my 5x zoom on my phone.

And they say, your word is amphitheater.

And instantly my mind goes, oh God, silent H, silent H.

And they don’t even say this word has two spellings, which I thought they might.

Because they do that for several words.

And I think you can do the theater part ER or RE.

And by the way, the dictionary agrees with me, but they don’t say that.

And I’m like, man, I hope he does ER.

He’ll probably do ER.

He’s not a theater nerd.

He’s not a British person, so he’ll probably say ER.

And he spells it and skips the H.

And you know, it’s fine.

I don’t care.

He has a little shrug, but he’s good.

And then he’s signaling a message that I’m able to parse from the stage.

And when round one finally mercifully ends, you know, nine or ten kids are all coming down, including Liam.

And he comes to me and he says, I got out on purpose.

Because I really have to poop.

And that, my friends, is Crohn’s disease.

Anyway, it’s Friday.

Let’s do a theme song.

And then it’s Freestyle Friday.

So hang on.

That’s right.

Following the spelling bee story, I did just drop a, it’s a Freestyle Friday.

It’s been a long time.

But once again, I’m doing some freestyle rapping for you.

So here it is.

I’m using a random word generator and let’s go.

All right.

Freestyle Friday.

I’m pressing the button right now.

When I want to plug things in, I need to get them charged.

I know that the battery power needs to get enlarged.

I want my devices full with the battery to the max.

And what I am telling you, well, I’m straight spitting facts.

Yo, I need to have a creative outlet to tell you how I plug.

If I don’t have my devices charged, I can’t get that drug.

I need the satisfaction of the electrical reaction.

I need to know that it’s got traction.

I need to know that every faction of my electrical life can be full action.

So the outlet’s important.

And I know I have assortments of facts to share with you.

So that’s just what I’m gonna do.

The first fact was the outlet word.

I think that now you have heard.

I need the outlet to plug things in.

That’s where the charging spree begins.

Not the charge that you do at a store.

Not buying stuff.

Don’t need more.

I just need the things that I have to be full up.

And so I’m glad to charge them.

To use that power.

And if there’s a sun shower, solar panels on my roof.

I hope that doesn’t make me sound too aloof.

But they can help me fill up the things that I’m charging.

Then I can walk to the room or maybe barge in and say, Hey, good news.

My devices are full.

And it’s straight from the sun.

And that ain’t no bull.

Anyway, the words I’m using, they’re the luck of the draw.

They’re the first three words that I randomly saw.

I’m at randomwordgenerator.com In my opinion, that website, well, it is the bomb.

I’m not good at drawing, even though I consider myself an artist.

I can do the freestyle, which is why I chose to start this.

But what I can’t do is pen to paper and make something look pretty.

Every single drawing I make, it looks kinda shitty.

But that’s just a way that my hand can’t draw.

I could make some of the worst pictures you ever saw.

If someone’s like, draw, then I reply, no.

I’m not good at that, so it’s my flaw.

The drawings I make, they aren’t good, they are bad.

Bad was the third word that I had.

I think it’s too simple, I think it’s too easy.

So, the generate button, gonna give it another squeezy.

I got three words now that I like a lot better.

So, I’ll probably start to break a sweat when I tell you that I want to win every award.

And you’re like, geez, that guy’s ego.

Oh my lord.

And some say it’s an honor just to be nominated.

That’s only true, however, if I dominate it.

But nomination, that’s word number one.

So, nomination, let’s have some nomination fun.

If I can’t rhyme nomination, that’ll be my rumination.

There’ll be calls for celebration, probably all across the nation.

When they say, hey, from his station, he was rhyming nomination.

I’m feeling some elation.

So, I hope you don’t feel agitation.

I hope there’ll be no litigation.

I hope there’s no causation.

And I hope the correlation causes you a coronation.

Celebrating the creation of the rhymes that I’m dictating.

If you don’t, then I’ll feel some deflation.

But for the full duration, I deserve the nomination.

Because look at all these words, man, it could make your head spin.

Each word that I’m rhyming is cement in the ground.

Each word that I’m bound, you could say needs a ground pound.

Like in Super Mario, which some say Mario.

But please don’t worry though, cause I’m going with the flow.

But anyway, back to the ground, back to cement, back to concrete.

That is the next word that you know I’m gonna greet.

That’s the next word I’m fitting into my beat.

That’s the next word where I’m saying you should take a seat.

Have the sweet treat while I try to repeat.

Keep my rhymes nice and neat for an impressive feat.

I need my words to be fleet, concrete what makes up the street.

And I can cement that fact, and I entreat you to listen.

While I am trying to glisten and to shine, to impress you.

I don’t want under duress you to be, that’s almost grammatically correct.

Even though I emphasize it’s not.

My hope is that you’re wow, you sure rhyming a lot.

Now the third word on my list, I’m here presently.

And I’m speaking somewhat metaphorically.

Cause I present the next word through which I’ll sift.

The next word friends is G-I-F-T, gift.

And I’m wrapping this gift up to you in a box.

Keeping it protected with keys and locks.

I hope to knock off your socks, I hope this rap really rocks.

I hope your man, that guy’s ticking just like he is a clock.

So anyway, gift, that was word number three.

Or six if you’re counting the same way as me.

Another freestyle, and I might accuse ya.

Of being mean if you diss me like John Siracusa.

Who said to his friend Merlin that my rhymes were subpar.

I hope maybe now I’m impressing him this far.

But who knows, he’s not one easily impressed.

He is not gonna say Lex Friedman is the best.

He might simply say, no that was still kinda mid.

If he does, boy, that could rid me of the desire.

To keep trying to spit the fire, but it’s coming down to the wire.

I’m a supplier of decent rhymes with the freestyle thing.

Obviously, a bell will ring to celebrate the victory.

If John says Lex, great job.

But he might be thinking, man that guy’s a rhyming slob.

Word.

Lex.