It’s just two days until I spend 12 days talking about my new album, because I’m going to go through all the songs like I do for Liam and Lex albums.

But today is not the day of the new album.

That’s Thursday.

So we’ve got to talk about something else.

What?

Find out after this.

Your Daily Lex.

I’m about 98% sure I’ve never told this story on the podcast before.

And I searched all through the history in logs, and I listened to three episodes where I talked about Uber, but I don’t think I ever told this Uber story before.

Years ago, I worked at a company that I won’t name because I’m protecting people, because I’m kind, even though they don’t deserve my protection.

And I was in a different state, so I was using Ubers to travel.

And we were going out to a celebratory meal with a large team.

One person, a very senior person at the company, couldn’t join because he had recently had back surgery.

So we were going to go to his house first, have a drink or two there, and then ride to this dinner.

And he got us a reservation.

This senior executive person got us a reservation at a popular restaurant in the area because he had connections.

When I say he had connections, his wife was a literal billionaire heiress.

Wife’s family owned a sports team.

So they were doing quite well, but he couldn’t join us for dinner.

One employee, who I have to come up with a nickname for, I’m going to call him Ritz.

So Ritz is going to be the star of this story, or the villain, maybe.

So Ritz has a couple at this executive’s house, and Ritz is also driven.

Ritz lives in the state where we’re in, so he had his own car.

But Ritz is too far gone now after these early drinks, these pre-dinner drinks, he is too far gone to drive his own car.

So an employee of mine, who was a teetotaler, is going to drive that guy’s car.

The teetotaler did not understand what was happening when Ritz started vaping on the way to dinner.

So when we get into this restaurant, Ritz is really far gone, and he’s trying to basically assault the hostess, and we have to stop him from doing that.

He and I both go into the men’s room before we’ve been seated, and he tries to hug, well he does hug one of my employees from behind while that employee is using a urinal.

When we leave the restroom and are walking through the restaurant, he passes a patron who has food on their plate, and he grabs a fry from that person’s plate saying, you don’t mind, do you?

And grabs the fry.

Yeah, it was a lot, it was a lot, a lot, and I’m like, hey Ritz, you’ve got to calm down, you’ve got to knock this off.

And he’s like, no, no, it’s fine, nobody’s bothered.

And Ritz is out of his mind, and he’s too loud, and he’s being disrespectful to the staff, and he’s good friends with and reports directly to this senior executive whose home we’re at.

And so I call that guy, and I’m like, look, Ritz is a little bit out of hand, can I send him home?

And he says, the executive says, oh you must, because the restaurant manager called me since I got you guys that table, and you need to get him out of there.

So I call an Uber for Ritz, Uber arrives, and I get Ritz’s home address in there, and I tell the Uber driver, hey, Ritz has had a couple too many, you’re going to take him home.

And the Uber driver says, no problem.

And then I’m just trying to be calm and enjoy my meal.

My phone rings with an unknown number, and it’s the Uber driver, and he says, hey Mr.

Lex, which is, I guess, what people call me, I just wanted to give you an update.

And he’s like, yeah, well, so I was driving Mr.

Ritz, and he got a little aggressive, and he tried to climb into the front seat, he tried to grab the wheel, and he tried to throw money on the front seat to ask me to drive him someplace else that wasn’t his home, he really wanted to take him to the liquor store, and I said, no, Mr.

Lex had to take you straight home, so that’s where we’re going.

And eventually, because he was getting aggressive, I did agree to stop at this liquor store that he had navigated me to, and when we were there, he got out of the car, and he went up to another car that had also parked there, and he bought some cocaine, and then he came into the back seat of my Uber, and he started consuming the cocaine.

But then he calmed down, and then I took him to his house, and he went inside.

I just wanted you to know.

And I’m like, well, Mr.

Uber driver, because that’s what I call him, I’m really sorry, that’s terrible.

I sincerely apologize.

I’m going to tip you well.

He’s like, don’t worry about it.

I just wanted you to know, because I saw you were, you know, caring about the guy.

And yeah, so just no sweat, but yeah, that’s why I tip him well, and I know I’m going to expense this.

Next day, I fly home into Newark Liberty International Airport, and I try to call Uber to take me home from the airport, and it keeps saying that I’ve lost my internet connection over and over again.

And then I go to Uber’s website instead of the app, and there, when I’m on the website, it redirects me to a page that says my Uber account has been suspended, so I slum it with Lyft.

I have no problem with Lyft.

I switch to Lyft, I use Lyft to get home instead, and then I contact Uber the next day, and they’re like, oh yeah, this is why that happened.

You were doing drugs in the Uber.

And I’m like, no, I wasn’t.

And that was the whole thing.

And they said, oh, even though you are currently banned for doing drugs in the Uber, which again, I didn’t do, we’ll reinstate your account for $200.

And I was like, great, do that.

And then I said, I have to expense that too.

So then I contact this guy, the senior executive.

I’m like, hey, just so you know, this is what happened, and I need to expense this.

And if my boss, who is not this guy, but if my boss, another senior executive, who is now the CEO of that company, if he asks me why I have this random $200 Uber charge, what would you like me to say?

And he’s like, don’t say anything.

And he won’t ask, because he doesn’t look at those expense reports, and please just don’t say anything to anybody.

So yeah, good times.

And I said, listen, my only rule is, I’m not going to say anything to anybody.

However, I never want to work with Ritz again.

I don’t want Ritz involved on any projects I do.

I don’t want to be responsible for them.

I don’t want them at my team meetings.

And the senior executive said, deal.

And that’s how it was until I left that company.

My Uber account is in good standing, although I imagine that at some point, there’s some red flag on there that says, hey, by the way, this guy does cocaine in the car, which I don’t, just to be clear.

I don’t.

Ritz does.

I have no idea what happened to Ritz, and yeah, I don’t even care.

So now you know.

I guess I’m team Lyft.

I don’t know.

No, you know what?

I’m team don’t do drugs.

That’s my team.

My team is don’t do drugs team.

Thank you.