Here’s the good news.

The good news is I’m back, I’m on my real mic, and I’m ready to go.

The bad news is I don’t yet know what this episode is about, but even as I was preparing to say that sentence, I kind of realized some of the things the episode could be about.

So let’s do it.

Here we go.

Your Daily Lex.

I am back from a lifetime in Chicago.

I spent eight days there, and that’s a long time.

And I was a fake CEO for six of those days.

And it’s fun.

I do really enjoy that work.

It’s silly and goofy and ridiculous, but still fun.

And it got tiring by the end, not because I got tired of doing it exactly, but because the conference got tired.

By the final two days of the conference, there were very few attendees.

So standing around at a fake company’s booth for a company you don’t actually work for, and not even doing improv, but just sitting around, was very boring, very dull.

Those were long days.

But man, my fake employees, who are real employees of the real company, they think I’m a wizard, which obviously only feeds my starving ego.

And they were just amazed because I would constantly be making stuff up, because that’s what you do when you improvise.

And what was extra funny to me was they would often crib my lines.

So if they started, because at some points it was really busy.

So you’d have like five or six conversations going at the booth at once.

So I would hear them start conversations using some of my lines.

So when I had to go over and join the conversations as the fake CEO, I had to say even more dumb things.

But I really tried to find as many opportunities to pun about people’s jobs or backgrounds or where they were from or whatever as I could.

Because Justin, the fake CEO, is a bit Michael Scott-esque.

And there’s one guy, he’s like, I’m from Louisiana.

And I’m like, oh, we put the easy in Louisiana.

I might have said this last week.

I don’t remember if I told you this already.

And he’s like, there is no easy in Louisiana.

I’m like, there definitely is Louisiana.

And he’s like, I never thought of that before.

And I’m like, I did.

But I was, I mean, I had jokes for days and I had a lot of people laughing.

They printed a business cards for me that were totally ridiculous, fake business cards with a really doofy photo of me that they stole from a video.

And all that was fun.

A big highlight for me of the week was I got to do a comedy sports show with Comedy Sports Chicago.

And it was fun because, in part, it was fun because I was, that was a good sentence, play it back, I was intimidated.

Chicago is an improv city.

And I knew Comedy Sports Chicago would be really good.

And they were really good.

I felt like I had to be my best.

And honestly, I would only give myself a solid B to B plus in that match because some of them were putting me to shame with just how talented and fast and funny they were for some of those things.

I had some great moments.

Don’t get me wrong, I did just fine.

But man, it was great.

It was a lot of fun.

Plus, I had a friend from college come to see the show.

And that friend from college coming to see the show had me doing a lot of math in my head, as did my recent wedding anniversary.

Here’s some of the math.

I saw this friend from college.

I graduated college in 2002.

That means I have lived more than half my life since I last saw that friend.

That’s crazy.

Crazy.

I have lived in New Jersey longer than I’ve lived anywhere else.

That is crazy.

I think of myself as from Pennsylvania, and I guess I’m still from Pennsylvania.

But I’ve lived here longer.

I, by my next wedding anniversary, will have been married for half my life.

Also crazy.

These math things are crazy.

Anyway, I eventually got home yesterday, which was good.

And of course, no air travel can ever be fully troubleless because I landed in Newark on my slightly delayed flight and rushed to baggage claim.

And some bags came off, but not mine, even though my bag had a priority tag on it, although half the plane was priority.

And then many, many people were waiting for their bags.

And then it turned out that the bag conveyor belt feeder from the outside had gotten jammed.

And so somebody had to walk through it to unjam it, and then they could start putting the bags out.

But it meant I waited about 20 minutes for my bag to come out, maybe more.

Yeah, more.

I’m looking at my texts now when I was complaining about it.

I waited about 38 minutes for my bag to come out.

And then I wanted to wait till I saw my bag before I summoned the Uber, and the Uber was 14 minutes away.

So just that part was miserable.

But then I was home, and I had to go to rehearsal.

What?

Rehearsal?

You’re in another show?

Yes.

Yes, I am.

And I’ll tell you all about it soon because it was surprising and confusing.

I would tell you now, which was part of my plan for this episode, but there’s only 30 seconds left before I hit the five-minute mark.

And how much can I pack into my first year daily life exactly this much?

Anyway, hope you’re enjoying your Monday, and let’s have a great week together, shall we?

We shall.

Lex.