Let’s talk about facial hair.

Let’s talk about facial hair.

This song was under-thought by me.

I didn’t even know I would be singing it, but anyway, let’s talk about facial hair.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

I hope that didn’t get your goatee.

See what I did there?

I must ask you a question.

I’m sorry.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

Beard joke here.

Your Daily Lex.

For much of my life, I was clean-shaven.

Some of that was because I was prepubescent.

Then, that was, you know, many years.

Then, you know, I shaved.

My dad taught me to shave with a Norelco electric razor.

In college, a buddy of mine, Jake, taught me how to use an acoustic razor.

At some point in adulthood, I got really into the wet shave using a double-edged safety blade.

I wrote an article in Marco Armentz and later Glenn Fleischman’s The Magazine about shaving that way.

People still talk to me about it.

People still tell me that they shave that way because of me.

I like that I can get really smooth because it’s hard for me to get really smooth when I shave because I’m a big, hairy, Jewish guy, so the beard grows back quick.

I get 5 o’clock shadow around 9 o’clock in the morning.

In college, I would sometimes, out of laziness, shave most of my face but leave the goatee area alone for a few days.

That wasn’t because I was growing a goatee.

It was because I was choosing to save time and not shave my whole face.

Shaving sucks.

My buddy, Jake, would always say, are you growing a goatee?

I would always say no, and he would know that that was the answer.

At some point after college, I started shaving every other day.

Then at some point in adulthood, I decided I was going to cultivate a stubble beard full-time.

I like my face better that way.

I have used various trimmers to keep it at stubble length.

Sometimes, I would trim it too short.

Then my pal, Brian Warren, whose guest hosted this very podcast and with whom I co-host working in it, he suggested a very specific razor that I can use because it has more blade attachments so that I can keep my stubble at a length that I prefer even more.

It means you have to shave more frequently, but it never gets so short that I’m like, man, I miss my beard.

However, in the show I’m in this weekend, Bad Boy, I’m supposed to sport a mustache.

What kind of mustache is still up for debate?

It might be Burt Reynolds style.

It might be—is it called a Fu Manchu?

It might be the style of mustache where it goes, you know, not a goatee.

It’s the goatee minus the chin, but where the mustache drapes your whole mouth.

I think I’m actually rooting for the Tom Selleck, Burt Reynolds stache instead, but we’ll see.

So I’ve been growing my beard for much longer than I normally would.

Now, I still have trimmed the cheeks section because it got too annoying, but I’ve left the goatee growing longer.

To the casual observer, it looks mostly fine, but when you pay attention, it’s clear that my goatee beard is longer than my cheek beard.

This is good information for you to have.

Anyway, today—it’s Wednesday, as you may know—it’s my last day of having video meetings before the show.

So after some of those meetings is when I’m going to do some maintenance to at least get to the—I think it’s called the Fu Manchu.

I think that’s what a Fu Manchu is, but I’m going to be trimming it to that.

That’ll actually be before I have a call with Brian Warren, who I just mentioned, and he and I record our podcast on video.

So he will be among the first to see me with that Fu Manchu.

And then tonight at rehearsal, the director will decide if he wants me to keep the Manchu style or to go straight stache.

I’m hoping for the latter, like I said.

But it’s up to the director.

I’ll do whatever he wants.

But man, I can’t wait to go back to having just the beard length I prefer, because this is not my favorite beard length.

The at-goatee right now is so itchy.

I don’t know what some people say.

They tell you that if you keep growing your beard, it gets past the itchiness phase.

I have never found that.

People talk about beard wax and beard moisturizing, and I do plenty of moisturizing with La Roche-Posay, but to no avail.

And I’m not going to put any other third-party beard products on my face, given how much I’ve been wrestling with my eyes.

Not literally.

That would be disgusting.

However, if I were going to study how to wrestle with my eyes, I would be a good pupil.

And you could watch it on your retina display.

Anyway, I can’t wait to make my face be clean-shaven.

However, I am going to spend part of today and all of tomorrow and Friday and Saturday with a mustache.

So, that’s a lot.

That’s a lot of mustache.

So, I appreciate your thoughts at this difficult time.

There are some people in my life.

That’s not true.

There’s one person in my life, my dad, who anytime he sees my face, like on a FaceTime or whatever, and then hears that I’m doing anything, you know, having a meeting or seeing somebody or attending an event or hosting a bar mitzvah, whatever.

Will you shave for that?

No.

This is what my face looks like.

Yeah.

I can’t explain exactly why.

That’s always his question.

I think that I actually keep my stubble beard very neat.

I don’t like – I know that neck beard is sometimes a derogatory term towards certain humans, but I don’t like the hair there, so I always shave that every single day.

I never skip it.

Even if I was going to alternate shaving days, I always clean up the neck.

And now that I cultivate that stubble beard full-time, I’m always cleaning up the neck.

But my dad always has the question of, will I be shaving?

Nope.

This is what my face looks like.

I can’t explain everybody’s behavior.

I also can’t explain why people vote for Trump.

It’s very confusing to me.

It’s a mysterious world out there.

Anyway, that’s it for Wednesday.

It’s also Weird Al Yankovic’s birthday.

So, Al, if you’re listening, happy birthday.

And we’ll talk soon.

Not me and Al specifically, although possibly, but you and me.

And mostly, you’ll be listening and I’ll be talking.

You get it.

You get how podcasting works.

I’m acting like you don’t.

Lex!