I had a pretty terrible, like, like all time, terrible, like borderline parody, terrible freshman year roommate in college.

Your Daily Lex.

Here’s what I knew about him before I got there.

He was a, uh, he had an older brother who went there and his family were big donors to Brandeis, uh, neither of which gave me pause.

You know, we called each other ahead of time and I’m sure it was long distance.

And that was a whole thing back then old.

And, you know, we did the things that you did that, like decided who would be providing the phone and the fridge, uh, me in both of those cases and who would be providing other things, I don’t know.

And, uh, uh, even though I was providing the fridge, we acknowledged I was kosher.

So he was Jewish and understood he had to abide by kosher rules for the room, whatever, uh, there were so many incidences, there were so many things that went wrong in our one short semester together, because indeed after one semester, uh, the school voluntarily moved me to a single for the second semester of my freshman year.

Uh, but so some of the things, well, one, he, uh, left his cheeseburger in my fridge, by the way, that’s not kosher.

He didn’t have it wrapped or anything.

It was just on a shelf of the fridge.

He left it there over a break over break.

They shut off power to the dorms, or at least they did then.

So it really molded over the entire fridge with, you know, non kosher mold.

Yes, that was bad.

Also bad was the ferret.

You weren’t allowed to have a ferret.

Of course, at least the fair was in a cage, which it then got out of.

That was horrible.

Uh, there were, there was a time he took money from my wallet.

Uh, I went to a police report for that one.

Uh, cause like he said, Oh yeah, no, I did.

Uh, but I was going to put, I was going to pay you back.

I just needed some cash.

And so I, I took from yours.

Uh, that’s not how it works.

Um, it was so bad.

Uh, and so I was lucky.

Uh, like I said that I got to, uh, be moved to a single for the second semester of my freshman year.

Again, I want to be clear.

I did not list to all the horrible things, but I think, I think that’s a good soup.

I think that’s a good, uh, um, exemplars, uh, of the, uh, crap I had to deal with.

Uh, what was interesting, I guess about the singles at Brandeis, at least in my dorm, which was called Pomerantz.

And my brain provided that word for me at the moment I said it, um, the singles were just halves of doubles, like I had been in a double and then I moved up.

I think five floors, I think it was in the basement and I moved to the fifth floor, uh, but it was exactly half the size of the double.

So that’s very narrow at that point.

It was, um, I would imagine having never been confined to solitary confinement, a bit like the shape of a solitary confinement space from what I’ve seen on TV and in movies, uh, but it was still so much better.

Oh my God.

So much better.

Uh, than when I shared with that guy, I was saying to Lauren, not that long ago.

I don’t remember what his name was.

It was either Jeremy or Jared.

And I can’t remember the last name.

Um, I actually think it just popped into my head.

So I’m going to Google it and see if I’m right.

Pausing my recording.

I’m back.

No time has elapsed for you.

Uh, I think I’m really close, but I didn’t find him, but I’m, I’m on the hunt, but anyway, it was terrible.

So I had the single and this was moving from an all, uh, male floor to a co-ed floor, which was neither here nor there.

Uh, but man, that single was a joy.

There was basically one downside.

Um, it’s hard to have friends hanging out.

So, uh, when you’re in a regular dorm room, particularly if your roommate is out, you had the opportunity to, um, uh, have friends over and there were as many as call it for seating areas besides the floor, right?

There were two beds, uh, and there were two desk chairs.

Uh, I want to be clear.

The desk chairs were not desk chairs.

They were chairs at the desk, but there, you know, those dumb wooden chairs.

But, uh, uh, when you were in a single, there was the bed and the chair and that was it, um, uh, obviously like most dorms, there were common areas too.

And I don’t recall ever hanging out in common areas in any of my years in college, uh, my sophomore year, I was in a suite with seven other guys and we had a common area and that I hung out in, but like a dorm common area, uh, that was never my scene.

Uh, but, um, that freshman roommate, uh, when I was explaining to the student Dean, my challenges, and she said, yeah, this is bad.

Uh, she, she also said, she’s like, listen, we’re not going to kick him out of the school, despite the fact that he’s stolen from you and, you know, done these other, you know, severe rule violations, the ferret chief among them.

Uh, but, um, we can separate you.

And she said, you understand why we can’t kick him out of the school.

And I’m like, yes, the donning donning, donning, the donning, the donating, the big donor parents.

And she’s like, yeah, I didn’t say you said, um, I liked her because she trusted me when she was telling me these things are not hinting at these things.

Um, but then, uh, he was kicked out his sophomore year.

I don’t know what he did, but it had to be pretty terrible to still find a way to get kicked out when they were so hesitant to kick him out, but anyway, wherever he is and whatever his name was, which I I’m so close to, and I remember his older brother’s name, first name, but I can’t figure out a hundred percent the last day, but anyway, wherever he is, I hope he’s miserable.

Honestly, he probably is.