When I tie a necktie, I start with the tie backwards.

That is, I start with the rear of the tie facing out.

That’s because this is how my dad taught me to tie a tie.

He used to tie a tie a different way, and then I think there was an article in the newspaper that was like, here are other ways to tie a tie, and he liked this one, learned it, and then taught it to me.

For years, like every kid who wears a tie, I needed my dad to tie that tie for me, but then at some point he taught me this tactic, this approach, this trick, and I did it.

Learned it. Your Daily Lex I remember the day of my bar mitzvah, and I was a little bit nervous, but I knew I now knew how to tie a tie, and I was tying it, and I was having a little bit of trouble, but I was like, I can’t ask my dad, because what if my dad’s bar mitzvah speech mentions, you even know how to tie your own tie?

You tied your tie today.

I can’t have him tie my tie if his speech is going to mention that I tied my tie.

I got it tied.

Nobody worry.

From time to time, my kids need their ties tied, or more often, they need my ties tied on them.

Liam has a couple ties.

And whenever I do that, they always assume I’m going to tie it on them, which I never do.

I tie it on me, and then I loosen it and put it on them.

And boy, I’m much taller than my kids.

I’m much taller than a lot of people.

And doing the work to figure out the correct length for a tie for a person who’s shorter than you is not a cakewalk.

And of course, if the tie is the right length, but then the rear part of the tie, you know, the little tail is going to poke out, that’s no good, too.

So anyway, my point is only, I’m pretty good at tying a tie, but I use some weirdo knot whose name I don’t even know.

I tried to Google it and didn’t actually find exactly what it is.

But yeah, I start with it inside out.

It ends the right side out, although the back remains facing the opposite direction that you’d expect, which is fine, because it’s in the back.

You can’t see it.

It’s okay.

It’s also quite rare that my kids need to wear ties.

Liam most recently wore actually his own tie with a bunch of music notes on it to his orchestra concert at school.

And he came home from school with the tie off.

He’s like, you got to tie it for me again before I go back to the nighttime show.

Because you do shows during the day at school, so you have to have the tie on.

Then there’s still the big show at night for all the parents to come to.

And I’m like, how come you didn’t just loosen it so that I didn’t have to tie it again?

He’s like, I don’t know how to do that.

So it occurs to me, I should probably teach him how to tie a tie.

Although to be frank, and to be honest, and to be direct and blunt, I would say Liam’s not even that great at tying his shoes.

He very, very frequently wears slip-ons and is a slow shoe tie.

He always has been.

Now, he knows technically how to tie his shoes.

And clearly, he’s very nimble with his fingers, given his instrument playing acumen.

But he really has this weird fine motor skill issue with shoe tying.

Like I said, I was a late shoe tie-er, and he just never ties shoes.

And then when he has to tie shoes, it’s slow.

So I should teach him how to tie a tie, but I imagine it’ll be a nightmare.

So there’s that.

Also, Liam just got invited to play the piano at some school event for some awards ceremony for which he is not getting the award.

Because it was a thing he did not participate in.

But they’re like, could you play something classical like Pachelbel’s Canon?

And we’re like, Liam, do you need sheet music?

He’s like, no, I can just play Pachelbel’s Canon.

No problem.

It’s fine.

Man, I wish I had Liam’s talent.

That’s all I’m saying.

Neck ties.

I think that was my whole topic for today.

I’ll say this.

When I was growing up, I loved goofy neckties.

Like, I didn’t want a straight-edge necktie.

I had silly neckties.

A necktie with a dinosaur on it.

A necktie with billiard balls.

Cards from, like, a deck of cards.

Lots of, like, Disney and Looney Tunes-style character ties.

I still have these ties.

Tie style has evolved over time.

And so most of my ties are not ties I would ever wear were I at a tie-wearing situation, because they’re, like, wider than ties people wear today.

But, man, and this is true of so many articles of clothing, but ties especially are so weird.

You know, shirts have a function, right?

There’s a four-man function.

But ties are just, like, this weird decorative piece.

And I get that a whole lot of fashion and clothing is decorative, but there’s something very strange to me about ties.

Let’s tie this thing around.

Also, whoever named the tie spent a lot of time brainstorming.

I’m glad the person who named the tie didn’t name the shirt.

Hey, it’s the pullover, your neck.

Oh, I guess pullovers exist.

Oh, boy.

Sometimes I really make myself laugh.

I don’t know about the rest of you, but if I’m amused, something’s going well.

Anyway, neckties are weird, and my approach to tying neckties is weird.

And that’s all I have to tell you.

Goodbye.

Lex.