Few things get my frustration juices flowing like eighth grade graduation.

Your Daily Lex

We just attended our third eighth grade graduation today, our final eighth grade graduation, as Liam graduated from eighth grade.

First, they always make the parents wait outside.

They want the kids to come an hour before the ceremony or something like that, but they won’t let the parents in.

Now today it was about 100 degrees, literally, outside, and they did mercifully let parents in earlier than usual.

Usually they don’t, and today they took some pity.

I was also proud of the parents in line, some of whom were encouraging the line to curve in a way that it doesn’t normally, so that it could be under the shade in more places, which was great.

I salute the mom who pushed to make that happen just through her own willpower.

So they eventually start letting the people in early, and as we’re going in, you know, there’s kids who are coming late who, you know, the parents are dropping off, and they see there’s this long line of parents, and the other parents just skip the line, right?

They just walk in.

They know they’re supposed to go in line, but like, it’s almost always the husband’s family, man.

Let’s just go.

Let’s just go in, and they just cut the whole thing, which is rude and obnoxious, whatever.

We all get seated, and then a fire alarm starts going off, and everybody’s ignoring it, and then the principal comes on and says, and we’re not at the school, we’re at a nearby community college, and the principal says, it turns out this is a real fire alarm.

We all have to go.

So the whole place evacuates.

Now you’re back outside in the 100 degree weather.

Sucked.

And eventually an all clear is given, and parents start going in, and then a police officer starts yelling, what are you doing?

Don’t go, do not go in there.

Stop going in that building.

And then some of the parents are like, these people told us to.

And he’s like, who told you to?

And they point, and he’s like, oh, well, they didn’t tell us on the radio.

As you were, go ahead.

But I always appreciate yell first and ask questions later.

Fine.

Then when they do the graduation ceremony, they do it quickly, so I’ll grant them that.

It’s about 90 minutes.

Fine.

But the principal always says, please do not cheer after each kid’s name.

We’ll have breaks to cheer.

Please do not cheer for each kid.

Hold your applause.

Because what they don’t want to have happen is, you know, they announce John Smith, and then John Smith’s parents cheer, and then John Smoth, that’s the next alphabetical last name.

His parents can’t hear his name get called because of prior parents cheering.

And at every eighth grade ceremony, many parents respect this, and many parents don’t.

It’s probably about 50-50.

So you’ll hear like all these woos.

Some people brought noisemakers, so anytime their kid or their kid new got mentioned, they would, you know, make noise and woo and cheer.

And it’s just so obnoxious.

It is so selfish, and it makes me absolutely crazy.

Because, you know, they say don’t do it, and then some parents do.

And I want to know what those parents think.

I mean, I know what they think.

They think that they’re important and their kids are important and nobody else is.

But, like, do they think that the other parents don’t care about their kids?

Like, well, we wooed for ours, so our kids love, but that kid sucks.

I didn’t woo when Liam’s name was called because I’m not an asshole.

I was on photo duty.

Lauren was on video duty.

Frankly, I didn’t even think we needed photos.

I would have been happy not to attend graduation.

I didn’t.

It’s eighth grade graduation.

It’s a boring ceremony, and it was an incredibly boring ceremony.

And the student speakers who they had, you could hear zero for four of those student speakers.

So what a waste of time that was.

But we went, and we did not woo because we’re not jerks.

And so I’m getting photos, and we have told Liam that four years from now when he’s graduating high school, I’d love if he could smile when he walks up to get a diploma because in each photo he looks absolutely miserable.

He’s not miserable.

He just didn’t think to smile.

And I guess he had default resting very bored face, which makes him look truly miserable.

So, yeah, good times.

But, man, I just hate the humans on display.

Then when we were leaving college, the community college where graduation was, and we decided to stop for a little brunch on our way home.

It was lunch, but at a brunch place.

I was also noting drivers.

Like, I watched a driver run a red light.

I watched a driver merge onto the road I was on when they didn’t have time, and I was saying to Liam, when you start to learn to drive in a couple years, the most important thing is your drive isn’t more important than anybody else’s.

Like, you’re not the most important person at all times.

You can look out for yourself.

You can take care of yourself.

But you don’t have to say, like, I’m the only one who matters, and I’ll be a jerk to everyone else.

Because it’s the same thing that I think those parents are doing.

And, by the way, if you’re a cheerer, if you’re one who would cheer when they tell you not to cheer, I disagree with you.

I think you are wrong.

I think you are fundamentally wrong.

When they ask you not to woo, and you can see that sometimes kids can’t hear their own names being called.

It’s terrible.

It’s really stupid.

And, honestly, the only thing that I wish is that the principal had scolded people a little bit more.

There’s not that much consequence.

Not like, what are you going to do, not let the kid get the diploma?

But I could see saying, like, as a reminder, we’ve heard a bunch of you wooing.

We know you’re not blind to it.

Here’s why I don’t want you.

Because all he says is hold your applause at the end.

I don’t want you to overlap somebody else’s kid’s name.

And they do have them go very fast with the announcing.

There was a person named Lexi Friedman, who is not me, or the other guy.

And they’re like, Lexi Friedman, Liam Friedman.

Like, there’s no applause.

They’re trying to power through hundreds and hundreds of kids.

I don’t know.

I wish they would remind people.

And I wish people sucked less.

That’s my point.

Anyway, I hope you’re enjoying your Monday, June 23rd.

And we’ll talk more soon.

Because that’s how we do it here.

Lex.