Sometimes one’s personal hygiene decisions can get one in trouble.

Allow me to explain.

Your Daily Lex

I’ve been doing all these different medical tests to see if I can be a COVID donor.

Yeah, that’s what people want.

They want me to donate my COVID.

A kidney donor! A kidney donor.

I’m doing all these tests to see if I can be a kidney donor.

And one of the tests is a 24-hour lithotripsy urine test where you get to be a little scientist.

They send you the jug, but they also send you the special preservative chemical, and you pour that into the jug before you start, and then you toss in the bottle and the cap itself so that every drop of preservative is in there, and then you pee on it.

Or in it, in the jug.

Anyway.

You pee for 24 hours.

Not non-stop.

That would be difficult.

And you collect it all.

It’s great.

Wonderful.

Everybody loves it because you’re lugging around a jug of your own pee.

I did this test.

And then you have special instructions to have FedEx pick it up, and FedEx gets it overnight to a specific LabCorp facility, and then LabCorp studies it.

And LabCorp took a while to get the results, and I was surprised.

When the results finally showed up, LabCorp was like, yeah, we did this test twice because the results made no sense.

And basically they were like, this person seems perfectly healthy except their urine also is insane.

It had incredibly high calcium and some other metals and whatever.

It seemed really bizarre to them, and they did not understand it.

And so the kidney people called me.

They were like, we don’t understand this.

We’ve never seen anything like this before.

And I was like, I don’t know either.

And then I went to sleep.

Not instantly, but that night.

And the next morning I woke up and I realized I knew what the problem was.

And I reached out to the kidney people and I’m like, hey, so after I shower, before I get dressed, I like to put baby powder on.

Cornstarch baby powder.

And you know, it’s on my chest and, you know, the lower half of my body.

And I was looking up what’s in cornstarch powder and how it would manifest in such a test.

And if any got into this urine jug, and they’re like, oh yeah, that’s what it is.

That’s definitely what it is.

So they’re sending me a new jug.

I’m doing the test all over again.

So another 24 hours of catching my pee.

This will be the third time, hours 48 through 72, I guess, of collecting my pee.

So that’ll be exciting.

And we’ll see if this time around I have normal urine.

Here’s hoping.

I think that when it comes to number one, I’m number one.

So anyway, I got that going for me.

I’m also annoying everyone around me, particularly in my family.

What else is new?

But no, people, my friends and family have heard me stressing about my lines that I’m learning for the show.

I’m listening to them constantly.

Not in front of other people.

Like I don’t make other people listen to me listen to my lines.

Unless you’re my kid and I’m driving you to a school thing that’s before I go to rehearsal because I always want to listen to them on my way to rehearsal.

But other than that, I’m not making people listen to me listen.

But I’m doing a lot of listening.

I’m thinking about these lines all the time.

Really, I just want them to be second nature.

I want to know them so, so well.

And it’s definitely progressing.

There’s still lots of work to do.

Don’t get me wrong.

But yeah.

I’ve turned a corner.

Like I have some semblance of many of the lines.

If I were forced to do the show now, it would be bad.

But I could get the sentiment of many of the lines across.

And if I missed stuff, I could get us back on track.

None of that is great.

But it’s better than not knowing it at all.

So it’s progress.

Of course, there was a big Eagles victory over the Stinky New York Giants over the weekend.

So that was fun.

I had a bunch of friends over to watch.

All the friends I had over were basically Giants fans.

And that’s always fun because you’re watching with people who are actively rooting against you while you’re actively rooting against them.

That’s what friendship’s all about, isn’t it?

Anyway, what else can I tell you?

My weight got too low, so that was fun.

Because I’m in the rebuild of rebuilding my metabolism.

And then once that’s back to normal on a regular maintenance level, then I’ll start the true building phase of adding on more muscle.

But the weight got too low.

A couple days of eating at restaurants seems to have fixed that.

So don’t worry.

I’m still around 175, 175 and a half.

And it’s a very hectic time in the Freedmen’s life right now.

We’ve got so many things going on with different activities for the kids and for us.

And we’ve got a trip next week.

So it’s a lot of chaos here.

But it’s the good kind of chaos.

It’s like fun chaos.

We’re busy with stuff that we choose to be busy with, which is, I think, pretty good.

Anyway, that’s all I got.

I hope you’re having a wonderful Monday, October 27th.

27 is my favorite number.

It’s my number in comedy sports on my jersey.

So, yeah, there you go.

Happy Monday.

Goodbye. Lex.