I love Diet Coke, and that’s probably an understatement.

I’m basically addicted to Diet Coke, and I handle that addiction most of the time by not keeping Diet Coke in the house.

I love Diet Coke.

I can drink a near infinite amount of Diet Coke.

And yeah, there are consequences.

Your Daily Lex Although this episode is coming out on Wednesday, thanks to Brian Warren for hosting yesterday’s episode, I’m recording this on Friday, July 10th.

This is the third episode of Your Daily Lex I recorded today.

I’m future-proofing for when I’m traveling.

So I went out with a group of friends tonight.

Rob, the famous pool fixer, my buddy Andy, who I think is also going to host an episode of Your Daily Lex in the days ahead, Craig, and Frank.

And we went out to a lovely restaurant.

It was by the beach.

We had a great time.

It was a little bit too sunny in the beginning because we decided to sit outside because it was so beautiful, which it was.

But then the sun was in my eyes.

Whatever.

It was fine.

Sunset was great.

I ordered a Diet Coke and a beer.

And then the waitress saw I had finished my Diet Coke and she’s like, do you want a refill?

I’m like, that’d be great.

Then I finished the second Diet Coke and she comes by again and she’s like, hey, do you want another refill?

And my buddy Rob correctly said, you know, he’s going to keep drinking it.

We should bring a pitcher.

And she’s like, looking at us a little bit.

To be clear, I will kill that pitcher.

Meaning I would drain it.

I would drink it all.

And so she brought a carafe, in fact.

And I was delighted because I love Diet Coke.

I will drink so much Diet Coke.

I love Diet Coke.

Oh my God, I love it so much.

There was a time when I loved Coke.

And I remember in the early 2000s, we lived in LA.

I was working at the parent company MySpace.

And Lauren and I each decided that we were going to wean ourselves off regular sodas.

She barely drank any anyway, but I loved Coke.

And I moved to Diet Coke, which I had first hated and now love.

I love both Diet Coke and Coke Zero.

I love them differently, but equally.

And that’s a paradox.

Anyway, so she brought me this carafe of Diet Coke.

And I kept refilling my glass and I drank it all.

The carafe was empty.

I decided I was done with Diet Coke.

And I did not ask for any more.

But it was a lot of Diet Coke.

It was roughly 2,000 Diet Cokes worth of Diet Coke.

I did use the facilities at the restaurant.

And then we finished our meal.

We leave.

We’re hanging out.

We’re walking back to our cars.

There were two cars because we carpooled.

And I said, you know, I should have gone to the bathroom one more time.

And they’re like, we could still go back now.

I’m like, no, it’s fine.

So we get in the car.

Craig was driving.

Frank drove himself based on geographic logistics.

And the rest of us were driving home being driven by Craig.

And then I was like, you know, I really should have gone.

I really have to pee.

And luckily, my buddy Craig really gets this.

He’s on occasion had to.

I mean, we’ve all at some point had to pee.

But Craig has some stories about times when he’s really had to pee.

So he really got it.

So he was empathetic.

And I knew we were dropping Andy off first.

And at one point, I was like, Andy, can I stop in your house and pee?

He’s like, well, we’d have to deal with the dog.

It’s the whole thing.

I’m like, it’s fine.

I’ll just wait.

You’re not that far from my house.

And then it’s getting closer.

And at some point, I text Andy and his wife Jill.

While the conversation is happening, I’m now gone from the conversation because all I can think about is how much I have to pee.

It was a lot of Diet Coke, my friends.

Like so much Diet Coke.

And I text Andy and his wife Jill.

I’m like, hey, Jill, will the dog be too upset if I need to come in?

And she’s like, just don’t make eye contact with the dog.

Don’t talk to the dog.

And it’ll be fine.

Which is the same rule that we have at our house when people come and visit.

Because if you greet Cody, he will pee on you.

So we get to Andy’s house.

I run out and go into his house and pee.

My other buddies thought that I should just pee in the lawn.

Andy and I thought I should not.

For one, it was his lawn.

And two, he’s like, a ring camera will definitely pick you up.

Not great.

Then it was like a stand-up comedy routine or a sitcom routine.

Or if you’re familiar with Adam Sandler’s initial album, it was like that.

Because I think his first album was called They’re All Gonna Laugh at You, but I could be wrong about that.

But anyway, he has a sketch on one of his early albums where somebody really has to pee, and then the pee sound effect happens for so long.

I basically lived that.

That happened to me.

I peed for so long.

It was crazy.

And then, of course, I got back in the car, and Craig drove me home.

And that was my day.

So anyway, I used my very own daily podcast to tell a story about really having to pee, inspired by really liking Diet Coke.

It’s now 10.10 p.m.

as I finish recording this episode, and I should go to sleep soon, and hopefully will be able to fall asleep soon.

But have I messed up my sleep?

Is tonight a melatonin night?

Maybe.

I do want to get up early tomorrow because I want to get up early Saturday and Sunday and Monday because I want to be tired Monday when I get on my red-eye to Europe.

Anyway, that’s all I got.

Hope you’re having a wonderful…

Which day is this one?

Wednesday.

Hope you’re having a wonderful Wednesday.

Goodbye.

Lex.